I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You’re scum between my toes!
If you’re not hip, that’s from The Little Rascals (1994) except with a slight twist. As Alfalfa was writing a letter to be delivered to Darla, he read those words aloud instead of what the actual letter said:
I can’t live without you… really… I’m not kidding.
The first letter reflects how I feel about 2015 on the outside. To be quite frank, it was a pretty shitty year. I made mistakes that I still haven’t learned from. I was stabbed in the back a million times and then some. Suffered from self-inflicted bodily harm, depression, and sleep deprivation for months. Nearly lost my job. The absence of a father-figure became more apparent and so did my resentment. I was also made aware at one point that I became too vocal on my more popular social media avenues about some of these things and caught myself biting my own tongue before I knew it. I’m a stupid kid, let me live a little.
The second letter reflects how I feel about 2015 on the inside. Although last year put me through some of the toughest challenges I have ever been through, without it I wouldn’t have the experience I do now. Without the hardship I endured, I wouldn’t know how to take the baby steps to becoming a better me or learn that to love another is to love yourself first. Never have I ever had something taken away from me that has made me feel nearly lifeless, without any sense of purpose. Although I still have my days where I doubt I will even wake up, I’m thankful for every morning that I do. I’m still learning to let go of things that are out of my control. I’m still learning that compromising is something I’m not good at, but it’s something I’m constantly working on right now. I’m still learning to be independent. All of these things I’m trying to learn come as a byproduct of my lack of experience. I know what piece of the puzzle I am missing, but unlucky for me [per usual] the ball is not in my court. C’est la vie.
When it all comes down to it, I’m still blessed to be where/who I am today – flaws, downfalls, achievements and all. No blame or praise is put on anyone for the things that I have gone through except on myself. I am the common factor in all things good or bad in my life, and I own up to all my actions that have led me to today. To everyone that has been there for me through a rough 2015 and helped picked me up every time I was down, no matter how annoying I was with every rant I went on… thank you so fucking much. So here’s a toast! Goodbye 2015, I never wanna see you again.